Thursday the 19th of January 2012
Today is the begining of the harder stuff. I started fasting at 9:00 am yesterday and my goal is to reach atleast 80 hours but its going to be tough with Sue and Dennis around. To start the plans i did my first big hoard last night. It sounds kind of sad, but i actually really enjoyed it. It was such an adreniline rush! I went through the freezer, fridge and cupboard removing food to make it look like i ate a decent amount whilst they were gone. Today i made a sandwhich and ripped the crust off and left some of that on a plate near the sink so it looks like i ate lunch but really i put it in with the rest of the hoarded food. Tonight i am hopefully getting an exercise bike, and i am planning to keep it in my room so no one knows how often i work out. I plan to spend a lot of time on it, walking and exercise bikes are my favourite types of fitness. If its in my room i can even be on it whilst watching movies or reading. I can workout all day if i want to! So exciting.
This morning i weighed in at 54.7kg, which isnt really good but better then a gain. After i had weighed myself I went for a walk in the 30-something degree heat to get my tablets. At first i felt really faint, like i was going to collapse at any moment, but i soldiered on and then had a coffee and now im feeling great!
Except for my nerves, they are up in the air at the moment. I want to lose weight but i dont want people to notice! I want to eat what i want and when i want, and exercise when i want but if people notice somethings up im going to be fucked and stopped for sure.
Im sure that Ana speaks more truth and a lot louder then anyone else though so i would kind of like to see them try to stop us.
Over the past 20-something hours i have only consumed liquids and the liquids consist of; Diet Sodas; Instant Coffee and my second best friend WATER! During this time i have been chain smoking pretty intensely but i have cut back now because i dont want to be like that. I want to get fit, not cancer. Im just so bored, its getting too hot to do much exercise outside so im very iritable and that leads to more smoking. Gah!
This morning i weighed in at 54.7kg, which isnt really good but better then a gain. After i had weighed myself I went for a walk in the 30-something degree heat to get my tablets. At first i felt really faint, like i was going to collapse at any moment, but i soldiered on and then had a coffee and now im feeling great!
Except for my nerves, they are up in the air at the moment. I want to lose weight but i dont want people to notice! I want to eat what i want and when i want, and exercise when i want but if people notice somethings up im going to be fucked and stopped for sure.
Im sure that Ana speaks more truth and a lot louder then anyone else though so i would kind of like to see them try to stop us.
Over the past 20-something hours i have only consumed liquids and the liquids consist of; Diet Sodas; Instant Coffee and my second best friend WATER! During this time i have been chain smoking pretty intensely but i have cut back now because i dont want to be like that. I want to get fit, not cancer. Im just so bored, its getting too hot to do much exercise outside so im very iritable and that leads to more smoking. Gah!
I can spend so much time on twitter talking to the girls, sharing thinspo and reviewing weights. Its good to have support even though they're so far away. I love them all :) <3 All my Ana sisters are so helpful. The ones that are actually Ana are inspiring and the ones that arent doing well, binging or giving up to soon, remind myself that i dont want to feel conquered by food, its disgusting. People are revolting, i dont understand how people that are over weight can go on living each day. I put on .5kg and i freak out completely and find ways to punish myself, yet these fattys just keep getting bigger, EW!
I WILL GET A THIGH GAP --- I WILL BE ABLE TO SEE MY HIP BONES --- I WILL HAVE A FLAT STOMACH --- MY COLLAR BONES WILL STCIK OUT --- I WILL BE SKINNY --- I WILL LISTEN TO ANA --- I WILL BE BEAUTIFUL ---
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